This last year prepping for our adoption has been an amazing journey. It has brought a sweetness to our life that I can’t explain. We have seen miracles, learned so many lessons, and had our eyes opened to things I never knew. It has changed us–all for the good.
However, as I read thru my blog sometimes it sounds 100% Pollyanna! It has been great, but it hasn’t all been easy. Not every day is rainbows and unicorns.
There have been times of heartache and sorrow. There have been thousands of prayers offered and many tears shed. Months of worrying about Camilla’s welfare. Feeling helpless. There are things about kids and the adoption world that are just intrinsically sad. Adoption paperwork sometimes feels so intrusive. There is an anxious wait to see if we will get approved or rejected, and an even longer wait to go to China. It feels like there are 50 thousand things to do, and a million things to worry about. Then there is the “worry”—worry about whether we can handle it, worry about what she will need, worry about how our family will adjust, worry about whether she will like us or ever trust us…the worries are endless. Telling people we are adopting was nerve-wracking for me. Maybe it isn’t for others, but it was for me. We aren’t the typical adoption case, and everyone has a different opinion on adoption, or international adoption, whether WE should be adopting, or who we are adopting. Financing the adoption–I think about it Every. Single. Day. It is always in the back of my mind. Working for adoption funds is so cool, but it is hard. Asking for money is even harder. There are hard things about adoption I haven’t shared, and there are things I haven’t experienced yet as we still have a LONG way to go!
One day I was driving home, physically and emotionally worn out working towards this adoption. I found myself crying out to the heavens, “Does any of this matter! Does anyone know what we are trying to do?” And then it came…a sweet peace that the Lord knows, and my efforts mean something to Camilla. It does matter. And at that moment, my worry was swept away and I knew that I would do it all again–all the hard things about adoption–in a heartbeat. And I would do it for her, no matter what. I am grateful that the Lord is always willing to step in and give us peace, for without him, I could not accomplish the the things I need to in my life. It just wouldn’t be the same.
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest to your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” –Matthew 11:28-30